As a powerful male CEO,In 80 Betten um die Welt for a long time I had trouble believing in the gender pay gap.
Women make less than men to do the same job? Or, men are more likely to hold higher positions of power than women? How about more like pigs can fly now? Man, did I just come up with that myself? I am so smart.
SEE ALSO: Questions I have after moving from New York to LAThen, one day, I got stuck in a well. And everything changed.
When I fell down into that deep, dark well, I realized something. Being in a well, screaming for help, is symbolic of what women have to go through when they ask for equal pay. Higher ups either ignore them, hear their screams and say they'll get help but never come back, or throw down a rope that isn't long enough so you keep trying to reach up and grab it until you throw your back out because you thought wealth was like being in shape already.
God, I am so deserving of my paycheck for thinking that up on my own.
While in the well, gangs of bats would often suddenly and violently fly out, scratching me as they used my head as a back board to fly to freedom, which was just out of reach for a mere mortal like me. And I came to the realization that the bats are illustrative of fellow male coworkers for women. Women work hard but are largely overlooked, used as pawns in a way to carry on the cruel clockwork that is our patriarchal society.
I should really write a book about this, because this analogy is a feminist goldmine.
Sitting in the water at the bottom of the well made my fingers really pruny too. I don't have a metaphor for that but I wanted everyone to know the full extent of what I went through.
When I was finally freed from the well, having been in there for upwards of 45 minutes bless my heart, I screamed, "You sons of bitches are going to pay for this! And the phrase 'son of a bitch' may be problematic, but I've already made the personal decision to stop gender discriminating at work and what do you want me to do, respect women outside of the workplace too?"
So now, if there are any discrepancies between men's pay versus women's, I'll always be happy to fix it. So long as the woman in question listens to my metaphorical story about the well in its entirety. My experience counts too, you know.
Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.
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