【The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String】

I have The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the Stringnot played Final Fantasy VII.

Up until recently, all I knew of the 1997 PlayStation game was that there’s a spikey-haired man named Cloud who carries a comically oversized sword and fights Sephiroth, a “one-winged angel” who loves leather and hates hair ties. Accompanying Cloud is Tifa, a woman who has heard of hair ties but doesn’t know how to use them, and Aerith aka Aeris, who’s like Mimi from Digimonbut with more steel inside her.

Armed only with this knowledge, I jumped into 2020’s Final Fantasy VII Remakecurious to discover the world which captivated so many over two decades ago. I don’t have the benefit of nostalgia buoying me and can’t say I fell head over heels for the characters. However, there’s absolutely no question that I’m having a blast.

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Final Fantasy VII Remake, developed and published by Square Enix, recreates and expands upon the first section of the original Final Fantasy VII, set in the sci-fi industrial yet vaguely ‘50s city of Midgar. Players control ex-SOLDIER turned mercenary Cloud Strife, who is hired by eco-terrorist group AVALANCHE to help fight against the environmentally-unfriendly Shinra Corporation.

Unfortunately, as the course of Japanese role-playing games never did run smooth, the group soon finds itself embroiled in events much bigger than anticipated.

Over 20 hours in, I’m enjoying how well Final Fantasy VII Remakehas kept the main story at the forefront. There are clear narrative breaks for side quests, so you aren’t off searching for cats while urgent missions lurk in the background, but they’re few, short, and not too distracting. There’s just the right number of side quests to make the world feel full and players feel accomplished, while still keeping up the pace.

They also link in to the main quest, meaning you never feel aimless or lose sight of the story. This narrative focus will likely be particularly important to fans of the original, since the remake has made many other changes.

This scene tho... Credit: square enix / mashable screenshot

Final Fantasy VII Remake’s most obvious update is the graphics. The newly resurrected game's photorealistic art and detailed world are generally stunning even if you aren’t comparing them to the polygontastic renderings of the ‘90s. The cutscenes are beautiful, showing off the redesigned characters and majestic backdrops, while bright spells whiz about in spectacular battles as Tifa cooly embeds her fists in unfortunate abdomens.

Remake’s combat largely abandons the turn-based format in favor of a more modern, real-time hack ‘n slash, but still retains elements of the original’s system. While you can use as many real-time standard attacks as your button-mashing heart desires, spells, special abilities, and items are all accessed via menus. Opening said menus significantly slows combat, giving you time to quickly locate the ability you want.

You can’t just spam fireballs and call it a day, though. Your Active Time Battle (ATB) bar must be full in order to use an ability or item, while spells require both ATB and mana. There’s also a Limit Break bar, which allows you to execute a powerful ability once filled, and an occasional Summon bar, which lets you call forth allied creatures during difficult battles. It’s a lot of bars.

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The remake’s combat largely abandons the turn-based format in favor of a more modern, real-time hack ‘n slash. Credit: square enix

Each character in your party further has their own lists of spells and abilities, meaning you’ll find yourself frantically flicking through menus of menus while giant robots with chainsaw arms plow toward you in slow motion.

This hybrid combat system feels complicated and overwhelming at first, and takes some getting used to. However everything eventually clicked and I found myself flitting between party members with ease, commanding Aerith to lay down a ward, enhancing Tifa’s fire spells, or getting Barrett to cast a shield on Cloud as he bludgeons enemies.

SEE ALSO: 'Final Fantasy VII Remake' completely reimagines the gameplay

It’s immensely satisfying strategically coordinating characters like they’re a real team using real teamwork, particularly when exploiting enemies’ weaknesses. The action flows smoothly, and if the character you’re controlling gets temporarily incapacitated you can just jump to another. Boss battles feel appropriately challenging while not impossible, and I found them so enjoyable I was almost disappointed when they were over.

Aww. It's over? Let's go again. Credit: square enix

I’m also greatly enjoying Final Fantasy VII Remake’s materia system. Materia are magic orbs which slot into your weapons and armor, allowing you to use spells and abilities. They can also be levelled up to become more powerful, and retain their levels when reslotted. Materia provide the flexibility to mix and match loadouts and figure out what works for you, as they can be used by anyone in your party.

Personally, I’ve been swapping out my materia after levelling them up, aiming to max out as many as possible in preparation for becoming an absolute beast. I’m further collecting weapon abilities to transform my team into walking encyclopedias of danger. Each weapon has a special ability equipped characters can learn if they use it enough, letting them use it while carrying other weapons.

It isn’t necessary to minmax your characters like this, but it gives you a constant sense of progress and feels undeniably good.

Let's go team. Credit: SQUARE ENIX / MASHABLE SCREENSHOT

Final Fantasy VII Remakeisn’t all moogle medals and phoenix down, though. One minor quibble is that it can take a second or two for non-player characters to respond when you try to talk to them. A relatively small thing, but it is irritating when you’re running around completing quests and shopping.

A more significant downside is that, though the graphics and gameplay have been overhauled, Final Fantasy VII Remake’s characters remain noticeably dated.

Wedge, the token fat friend, constantly talks about eating and is used as comic relief. Barret, the one black man on the team, is a Scary Black Manstereotype. Characters are shallow ideas rather than fully-realised personalities, expressed through exaggerated body language and clumsy dialogue.

It’s probable developer Square Enix didn’t want too many changes to ensure beloved characters were still recognisable, but it’s a weak excuse. The characters lack nuance, with everyone feeling like a wooden caricature, or puppets who learnt to mimic human behavior from consuming a mix of terrible ‘50s sketch shows and terrible ‘50s comics.

There's more to Wedge than mere comic relief, come on. Credit: square enix / mashable screenshot

To be fair, some characters show brief glimpses of depth once you’ve spent more time with them. Zealously sweet Aerith has flashes of wit and aggression, while Cloud starts to display more than one emotion. Even so, they generally feel less like personalities and more like shells to fill predetermined roles and scaffold a story.

Even so, fans of the original Final Fantasy VII will likely have fun exploring Final Fantasy VII Remake, and it’s a solid game overall even if you have no idea what a chocobo is.

Remakeis a great introduction to a genre-defining classic, allowing players with more modern tastes to learn the story and meet famous characters without having to endure archaic ‘90s graphics and gameplay. It will probably prompt a few newcomers to check out the originalas well.

Final Fantasy VII Remakeis due for release April 10 on PlayStation 4.

Topics Gaming Reviews