【pain and eroticism】

The pain and eroticismTinder experience is at first confined to the parameters of a smartphone, where swipes and messages live solely within your device. But at some point, those digital conversations might translate into meeting IRL, and a whole different scenario emerges. You're meeting someone you likely have never met before — a virtual stranger — and don't know much about beyond what a handful of emojis and texts can convey.

So while the first few meetings with a new person can be exciting and exhilarating, your own safety is the most important thing to have in mind at all times. And remember, when an online match wants to meet up immediately, it’s OK to say no.

SEE ALSO: Fighting violence against women, we need men to be part of the conversation

To preface, the onus should not be on the individual to remain safe in a dating context. If a genuine — and necessary — culture shift is to take place, people should commit to being allies to marginalized groups, thinking of the greater picture. By actively listening, educating oneself, fighting against misogyny and toxicity even in conversations with friends, a system can be overturned. By doing so, embarking on a date can become a far more positive experience, rather than one in which precautions are necessary to enjoy an evening out.

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Tinder itself has increased attention to safety features and the vetting process in recent years, amidst rising concerns. The app has said they will make ID verification available worldwide in 2021, a voluntary move for Tinder users unless mandated in a country by law. Background checks for matches are now available in the U.S. app for a fee, in partnership with non-profit platform Garbo — a feature introduced specifically by Tinder's parent company Match Group to improve the protection of women and marginalized groups. Both features have been flagged by some for privacy and surveillance concerns, but others have welcomed the tools in making informed matches.

Tinder has also recently changed its procedures for reporting sexual violence and harassment, hoping to facilitate stronger support for survivors. The new process is easier, allowing users to report directly within the app even if you've unmatched from someone. The app has added the possibility of reporting someone later on, and also reporting specific images or messages.

SEE ALSO: When an online match wants to meet up immediately, it’s OK to say no

This streamlined attention towards user experiences has arisen with concerns surrounding safety. According to a report from the Pew Research Center in 2020, 60 percent of women from the ages of 18 to 34 have received messages on a dating app after saying they weren't interested. On top of this, 57 percent of those surveyed reported receiving unsolicited sexually explicit images or messages. Most people on dating apps said they had a positive experience (six out of 10 respondents said so), but other stats illuminate the need for progress and security.

Plus, if The Tinder Swindlertaught us anything, dating online can always be some sort of a risk. The Netflix documentary introduces an extreme scamming scenario, sure, but the tale underscores the importance of taking precautions. Remaining safe and secure throughout a Tinder date is crucial to actually enjoying all that the app can offer. Then the swiping and potential romance can commence.

Here are some ways you can safely meet up with a Tinder date.

Take note of in-app safety features

Tinder has a bunch of features that can help you out on your dating journey. Take "Does This Bother You?" in which users are asked when they've received a potentially offensive message. If answering "yes," you'll be prompted with an option to immediately report the sender. Tinder says that the reporting of harassment has increased by 46 percent thanks to this feature.

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Tinder also launched photo verification, the feature that leads to a blue tick on Tinder, and allowing the app to confirm that the person using a profile is, indeed, the person you're talking to.

Credit: Tinder

Video chat before you meet up

Whether you call via Tinder itself using the Face to Face video feature in the app, or another platform of choice, speaking over a video call can potentially give you a clearer idea of who your match is. It can also be more genuine than messaging back-and-forth, and is just one step away from meeting in person.

On Tinder, the video feature can only be enabled once both people in a conversation tap the video icon, so each individual is actually ready to speak. Face-to-Face chatting can also be disabled.

Meet in public spaces

Your meet-up should take place in a public and populated space. For the first few dates at least, avoid meeting at private locations or in a home.

In the UK, the "Ask for Angela" campaign is one to be aware of when out in public, too. The sexual violence awareness campaign entails a code word for people who feel unsafe with someone while at a bar, club, or pub. Posters at certain locales will let you see if that venue supports the campaign, although reports have found that after testing the code word with bartenders and bouncers, the result has been confusion and inaction.

Another method could be arranging a first date at a place you know well, whether that's a neighborhood cafe or a local bar where the staff recognize you.

Never leave your stuff unattended

Keep an eye on drinks, bags, and personal possessions throughout the date. Anything containing your personal information should be kept secure.

Keep family or friends in the loop

Inform any friends or family — probably those in the same city as you — that you're going on a date. Telling at least one person where you are and who you're with is a good step to take before the date.

Use location services

On the same note, turn on some sort of location service, like Find my Friends (Apple's mobile tracking app). Other options, like My Location for Android, offer the same service. This way, someone you trust can see where you are at all times. On a similar note: keep your phone charged. There's also Uber location services, with a slew of safety features including a panic button and "anomaly detection," for unusually long stops or routes.

No matter what you're comfortable with when it comes to protecting yourself, setting clear boundaries will facilitate a healthy foundation for your dating experience — so your next Tinder date is on your terms.

And again, while the above actions are focused on personal safety, we must stress the importance of challenging violence and misogynistic behaviour on a societal level, so that one day, this article becomes superfluous.