【1984 Archives】

984 ArchivesSan Francisco Giants have a problem.

It's not the bullpen. It's not the bats. It's not their manager. No, the Giants are missing something that carried them to three World Series titles in five years. Something that — when absent — could leave the Giants without a fourth consecutive even-year playoff berth. Something San Franciscans embrace, and the Giants thrive on.

The Giants aren't weird enough.

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Now, before we get any further, let’s be clear. On the field, the Giants are very, verybad right now. Historically bad. Like, one-of-the-worst-collapses-in-MLB-history bad.

San Francisco had the best record in baseball at the All-Star Break — essentially the season's halfway point — and have followed up with the worst record in baseball ever since. The Los Angeles Dodgers have already clinched the division. San Francisco has a weak hold on the wild card, which grants two additional non-division winners an opportunity to reach the playoffs.

The offense, bullpen and management are a problem.

But so is the Giants' lack of weirdness.

That weirdness goes hand-in-hand with the Giants' "even year magic," a trend fans couldn't help but notice after San Francisco won World Series titles in 2010, 2012 and 2014 — all "even" years. In 2011, 2013 and 2015, meanwhile, the Giants failed to make the playoffs, which only increased the voodoo vibes and paradoxically raised Giants' fans hopes heading into 2016.

After all, it's an even year.

"Even Year Odds" - Who's Ready? - https://t.co/f2H6121lBM #SportsIllustrated #mlb #SFGiants pic.twitter.com/TCbioBLDkh

— CHRIS LAROT (@CHRISLAROT) March 24, 2016

Those three championship seasons were characterized by individuals whose eccentricity transcended baseball altogether. The Aubrey Huffs. The Brian Wilsons. The Hunter Pences. They toed the line between sports and pop culture. They ignited the Giants and the Bay Area. They made the game accessible to even casual sports fans.

They had fun, and people had fun watching them.

"I’m a pro baseball player in my 20s," Wilson said on The Franchise, a Showtime series that followed the Giants in 2011. "I’m not just going to walk around monotone like a robot then wake up, I’m 35, the game’s over, and I’ve had zero fun."

After all, sports are supposed to be fun, right?

Each even year, each championship, was inherently different. But the teams in 2010, 2012 and 2014 all rallied around someone — or something — weird.

2010: Brian Wilson and 'Fear the Beard'

Brian Wilson needs little introduction. Let's give him one anyway.

The Giants' 2010 closer grew out his beard and dyed it jet black (Wilson never admitted to coloring it, he instead called it "tan"). He wore a skin-tight, spandex tuxedo to the ESPYs. He got fined for wearing cleats that were too orange.

He did things like this:

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

And this:

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

The list goes on. Bottom line, the guy is pretty freakin' weird.

2010 was 'Fear The Beard,' a movement sparked by Wilson's outrageous facial hair.

2010 was 'The Rally Thong,' a lucky, red, rhinestone thong Aubrey Huff started wearing toward the end of the season. He revealed it — Zoolander-style — at the Giants' victory parade in October.

2010 was a band of misfits, 25 crazy guys rallying around the crazy idea that their team just might be able to bring a World Series title to San Francisco.

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Crazy worked.

2012: 'The Reverend' Hunter Pence

Hunter Pence — one of the most fundamentally unconventional players in baseball — came to the Giants in 2012. His performance on the field left plenty to be desired, but when the Giants had their backs against the wall in the postseason, Pence stepped up.

His pre-game speeches propelled the Giants to win six straight elimination games en route to their second World Series title.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Pence, in all his kale-loving, scooter-riding, crazy-eyed glory, is a weird dude. But the Giants couldn't help but gravitate toward his weirdness, his energy.

That season, newly minted closer Sergio Romo brought his own quirkiness to the fold, busting out the dance of 2012 — Gangnam Style — after every save toward the end of the year.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

2012 was 'Never Say Die."

They never did.

2014: MadBum and 'Yes! Yes! Yes!'

The Giants largely have Madison Bumgarner — alleged human — to thank for 2014. His performance in the playoffs was other worldly, and made him one of the best pitchers in postseason history. The left-hander's exponentially excessive beer consumption during the playoffs also became a huge thing.

But again, it was Hunter Pence's quirkiness that brought the Giants a new rallying cry — the Yes Movement, borrowed from WWE wrestler Daniel Bryan. "YES! YES! YES!" became the post-home run celebration, and the fans loved it.

Pence and newly acquired Michael Morse — the gigantic 10-year-old whose bromance with Pence is nothing short of incredible — brought life. There was an energy about the Giants' dugout, a palpable love between the players.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

2014 was playing for the name on the front of the jersey, not the name on the back.

2014 was "YES! YES! YES!"

2016: Who's weird enough to make this a true even year?

The Rally Thong, the pre-game speeches, the Yes Movement. The 2010, 2012 and 2014 teams had a thing — some gag that unified the players, brought life to the clubhouse and most importantly, made playing for the Giants fun.

The 2016 Giants do not have a thing, and they are not having fun, which makes watching the Giants even more miserable. The 2016 Giants feel defeated.

This group is not weird enough.

Hunter Pence and Sergio Romo are still there, but they both missed two months (1/3 of the season) because of injuries. Their weirdness was missed.

Now, there is one Giant who can justifiably counter this argument, and that's Johnny Cueto, the ace acquired by San Francisco last winter. Cueto's a goofball, known for his brilliantly effective lethargy, his shimmying wind-up on the mount and his gigantic bubbles of gum in the dugout.

And if you haven't seen his Instagram, you are seriously missing out. This is a real post on Cueto's real Instagram account.

A photo posted by Johnny Cueto (@johnnycueto47) on Sep 22, 2016 at 11:56am PDT

There's plenty more where that came from. Seriously, go check it out.

OK, so Cueto is weird enough for San Francisco.

But the problem is, Cueto doesn't have anyone to be weird with. His quirkiness is isolated, likely because he only pitches every fifth day, and perhaps because he doesn't speak English, either. In fact, Cueto's own brand of oddball is almost too chill to be sparkplug material.

Cueto doesn't fire up the Giants. They just let Johnny be Johnny.

But the Giants need a chemistry boost from something — or someone. They need the heart to power through tough losses. They need to have more fun.

You know who is having fun?

The Dodgers. They're making shirts literally taunting the Giants about how much fun they're having.

The Cubs. They have zany wardrobe themes for each road trips — everything from Miami Vice to track suits. The Giants would probably be having that much fun if they had won 100 games, as the Cubs just did. But the Cubs were dressing like that at the beginning of the year, months before they emerged as absolute contenders.

Your Chicago Cubs came back to Chicago in Onesies to kick the Pirates vs Cubs series tonight! ⚾️ pic.twitter.com/x7yd0mnzka

— Forever Cubs™ (@ForeverCubs_) August 29, 2016

These lifeless San Francisco Giants may very well reach the playoffs. The regular season wraps up on Sunday, and right now, the Giants are holding onto the second wild card slot by a thread.

Anything can happen this week.

But if they do make the postseason, the Giants will run into much stronger teams — teams with better bats, better records and better bullpens. The Giants are relentless in the postseason, so they might be able to squeak out a win or two. But they won't do it on talent alone, because they don't measure up to the other playoff teams in that department.

The Giants need something more to make them a successful October club. They brought home three World Series trophies on a lot of clutch performances and a lot of heart. In 2016, there are no beards to fear, no thongs to rally behind.

The Giants need to get weird, or this even year will end much differently than the last three.